well damn damn double damn. I screwed up and fell blah, cest le vie cant take it back now. I let the time constraints of yesterday get to me and now I'm paying for it. I didn't have any of my "safe" food with me or prepared and I didn't have time to eat in between work and doing readings and errands and I hit the wendys drive thr, now I could have gotten a salad or something but I on auto-pilot ordered a baconator and fries.( I gave the fries away) I at least got the bottled water with it, but wait no it don't stop there. I got 1 4 hour nap then had to work again, it was too busy to eat anything and I went thru the drive-thru at hardees and got not 1 not 2 not 3 but 4 steak biscuits, why because they were 2 for $3. because I'm an asshat who was operating on fumes and cravings and NOT thiking. I KNOW better and now I feel bloated and lethargic and so damn fuzzy around the edges mentally and guess what I have another reading in an hour and 45 minutes so I cant nap. it's time to suck it up buttercup and I will. but this blog and my commitment to me is full disclosure. I'm not sugar coating anything (sugar=poison) in any aspect of journey. so no pity party no ice cream while watching Richard simmons (been there done that) but hey just so the iront isn't lost on y'all I will admit I ate my junk while watching the finale of biggest loser because I didn't have time to watch it Tuesday. so I had my nutty professor moment and now it's done. shake it off and let it go and move on. I can tell you I WILL be at the gym tonight as I'm off work and I've decided to do another 5k in march. that gives me a month to get back in walking shape. so I gotta see where I actually am on the treadmill at this point. I did it in 54 minutes last time so I want to shave at least 4 minutes form that.
today is gonna be another kinda busy one. I have a reading then I need to go to khols, the comic book store, the mall, the grocery store, the post office, and start working on my journal pages for my friends (my group the crows nest as sharing artistic pages with each other so I need to do 14 pages and mail them all over the world, FUN!) this is what happens when I get scheduled 5 days instead of the 4 I want and my off days are separated. I NEVER get caught up on anything (including sleep) oh and I need to talk to dave (my artist) about my next tattoo..........I had a dream last night and my arm was covered in death. now to me death went straight to the shamanic visions I had. my healing totem the bear seems to have no patience with my nonsense so he routinely dismembers me in my quests so I can be reborn into a more perfect channel for healing. so I'm seeing a huge bear head and a human skull with the bears paw on top of it, and a rose somewhere in the background. now it's daves job to take my jumbled goofy ideas and turn them into glorious reality. I mean I said stars, owl, books, and I got this
this new one is gonna be on my right upper arm, the added problem for dave is I have a tribal piece already so it's gotta be a cover-up too. he's a genius but this ones gonna be tricky. I'm bettin at least 7 hours or more.
you know I gotta tell ya I feel better and more focused already just by getting it out there. for me (and many others I suspect) those hidden binges bring a lot of guilt and shame along with them but I'm done with that. I'm human so I'm not perfect but at least I can admit it without feeling like a big loser and move on. I'm gonna take my anger'irritation with me and use it to fuel the fire I'm lighting under my ass at the gym today! no poor pitiful martyr here, not building a cross to hang myself on habitat for humanity needs the wood far more than I!
here is a list of all the upcoming 5ks in y area the ones for dover I want to do with mayhaps a few more if they're close (I have to check as I don't know where some of these towns are)
basically I could do one every Saturday possibly. but I would need to take off Friday nights to do it and that might be an issue so we shall see.
ARTIST OF TODAY : THE BOSS (no NOT that one< the REAL ONE!) DIANA ROSS:
today is gonna be another kinda busy one. I have a reading then I need to go to khols, the comic book store, the mall, the grocery store, the post office, and start working on my journal pages for my friends (my group the crows nest as sharing artistic pages with each other so I need to do 14 pages and mail them all over the world, FUN!) this is what happens when I get scheduled 5 days instead of the 4 I want and my off days are separated. I NEVER get caught up on anything (including sleep) oh and I need to talk to dave (my artist) about my next tattoo..........I had a dream last night and my arm was covered in death. now to me death went straight to the shamanic visions I had. my healing totem the bear seems to have no patience with my nonsense so he routinely dismembers me in my quests so I can be reborn into a more perfect channel for healing. so I'm seeing a huge bear head and a human skull with the bears paw on top of it, and a rose somewhere in the background. now it's daves job to take my jumbled goofy ideas and turn them into glorious reality. I mean I said stars, owl, books, and I got this
you know I gotta tell ya I feel better and more focused already just by getting it out there. for me (and many others I suspect) those hidden binges bring a lot of guilt and shame along with them but I'm done with that. I'm human so I'm not perfect but at least I can admit it without feeling like a big loser and move on. I'm gonna take my anger'irritation with me and use it to fuel the fire I'm lighting under my ass at the gym today! no poor pitiful martyr here, not building a cross to hang myself on habitat for humanity needs the wood far more than I!
here is a list of all the upcoming 5ks in y area the ones for dover I want to do with mayhaps a few more if they're close (I have to check as I don't know where some of these towns are)
|
| Dover, DE
Kent
|    | |||
| 8 |
Mar 8, 2014
Saturday
|
| Wilmington, DE
New Castle
| | |
| 9 |
Mar 9, 2014
Sunday
|
| Milton, DE
Sussex
| | |
| 10 |
Mar 15, 2014
Saturday
|
| Wilmington, DE
New Castle
| | |
| 11 |
Mar 15, 2014
Saturday
|
| Dover, DE
Kent
| | |
| 12 |
Mar 15, 2014
Saturday
|
| Rehoboth Beach, DE
Sussex
| | |
| 13 |
Mar 16, 2014
Sunday
|
| Bear, DE
New Castle
| | |
| 14 |
Mar 23, 2014
Sunday
|
| Wilmington, DE
New Castle
| 
| |
| 15 |
Mar 29, 2014
Saturday
|
| Wilmington, DE
New Castle
| | |
| 16 |
Mar 29, 2014
Saturday
|
| Wilmington, DE
New Castle
|  | |
| 17 |
Mar 30, 2014
Sunday
|
| Lewes, DE
Sussex
| | |
| 18 |
Mar 30, 2014
Sunday
|
| Newark, DE
New Castle
| | |
| 19 |
Mar 30, 2014
Sunday
|
| Wilmington, DE
New Castle
| | |
| 20 |
Apr 5, 2014
Saturday
|
| Dover, DE
Kent
| | |
| 21 |
Apr 5, 2014
Saturday
|
| Middletown, DE
New Castle
| | |
| 22 |
Apr 5, 2014
Saturday
|
| Wilmington, DE
New Castle
| | |
| 23 |
Apr 6, 2014
Sunday
|
|
basically I could do one every Saturday possibly. but I would need to take off Friday nights to do it and that might be an issue so we shall see.
ARTIST OF TODAY : THE BOSS (no NOT that one< the REAL ONE!) DIANA ROSS:
At least you got some protein in between all those carbs! I know you're back on track now and will stay with it.
ReplyDeleteLori
you bet I will and I'm drinking water to flush it out!
DeleteGlad you've picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and moved on from this. A lot of bloggers aren't as honest as you :)
ReplyDelete