I HATE bein this fat, and I'm not even that fat! lolol but tis not where I want to be and I've just been lollygagging about half assing it so time to shake myself out of theses doldrums and take that good hard look.................and I'm NOT happy or having it.
but I shall see the humor in my angst and i'll be fine! just need to revamp my program and stick to it like glue! in the meantime enjoy some fat "humor" from absolutely fabulous one of my all time fave british shows (good news a theatrical movie in 2016!)
Saffie: [Edina is chanting in Buddhist] Oh, dear.
Eddie: Morning, sweetie. I'm only going to wear orange from now on, darling. Religious purposes.
Saffie: You've been getting dressed for three hours and you still look like a bloated citrus fruit.
Eddie: Sweetie, it is a very healing color, a very positive color.
[continues chanting]
Eddie: I'm getting rid of all my other clothes.
Saffie: Is that really the best you could come up with?
Eddie: Oh, God! Well, only this and the deaded kaftan fitted. Well, I say fitted. It was filled to capacity. I mean, all my clothes have got stretch marks, darling.
[explaining why she never did exercise]
Eddie: In the sixties, we were too stoned to jog. In the seventies, we had platform shoes.
Justin: That high.
Eddie: and in the eighties...
Justin: Brain cells destroyed in the sixties. See, you know, she can't remember. The Age of the Punk.
Eddie: Yes, punk darling. We were too busy putting pins through our noses.
Saffie: But you were too old to be a punk, weren't you?
Eddie: Darling, I was a punk.
Saffie: I know.
Eddie: Oh, God. Why am I so fat?
Saffie: You're not SO fat.
Eddie: I am! Why?
Saffie: Well, for start, you eat too much, you drink too much and you take no excercise.
Eddie: Darling, darling, please. It's far more likely to be an allergy to something, you know... You know, sort of a build-up of toxins, or something, or hormone imbalance, isn't it? Hmm? And also, sweetie, did you know I've got a very heavy aura? Did you know that? That's why animals love me, darling.
Saffie: They just see you as something to hibernate in.
Saffie: Look, mum. All you've got to do is eat less and take a bit of exercise.
Eddie: Sweetie, if it was that easy, everyone would be doing it. Anyway, I don't know what you mean. I do take exercise!
Saffie: You get out of bed, it ends there.
Eddie: I know what I'll do, I'll wait 'til Patsy gets here and phone her doctor. He'll do anything. And if that doesn't work, darling. I'm gonna go down to that Chinese clinic...
Eddie: Well, sweetie. The reason... It's not what I eat or how much I eat, it's these things in here. This fridge is just filled with crap, darling. Just filled with crap. Honestly. Look at this! I should only be eating organic food, food with the dirt still on it, darling... Throw out all the food in this fridge. It's revolting. I should just be eating green and white holistic food, shouldn't I sweetie? I shouldn't be eating... Oh, that's still got some in it, sweetie. I shoudn't be eating all this, should I, darling? Anyway, first I'm going to go on a fast.
[Saffron stares in disbelief]
Eddie: Well, it's not the sort of fast you're thinking of, darling. It's a special fast.
Saffie: Sort of an "eating a lot" sort of fast?
[first lines]
Eddie: Yes, yes, yes, yes... It'll be alright with a bit of jewellery.
[weighing herself]
Eddie: Oh, God, this is stupid. No, no, no, no! I've never been this heavy. There's not enough room on my bones for that sort of weight. No, no, no, no, no, no...
[drops her earings to the floor]
Eddie: Those are real gold, they must weight more than that. God!
Eddie: [on the phone] Can I speak to Doctor Jackson, please. It's Edina.
Saffie: Mum!
Eddie: [to Saffron] Shh, sweetie.
[into the phone]
Eddie: Philip, darling! It's Eddy. Look, can I have a few more of those pills I had last time? I want to lose a stone... Two weeks... Hmm, but it must be years since I had them last, isn't it?... Hmm, but they were just palpitations, for God's sake! Hmm? Are you telling me I can't have them?... What is the point of having a private doctor if he won't do what you want? Listen!... Please?... I want them to kill me!... Pilip?
[to Saffron]
Eddie: Can you believe he's not going to give them to me, darling!
Saffie: Good. You can't just take huge quantities of speed to lose weight.
Eddie: You can, darling. He treats royalty, believe me. Anyway, who wouldn't suffer a minor coronary for that degree of weight loss, I ask you?
Eddie: In the sixties, we were too stoned to jog. In the seventies, we had platform shoes.
Justin: That high.
Eddie: and in the eighties...
Justin: Brain cells destroyed in the sixties. See, you know, she can't remember. The Age of the Punk.
Eddie: Yes, punk darling. We were too busy putting pins through our noses.
Saffie: But you were too old to be a punk, weren't you?
Eddie: Darling, I was a punk.
Saffie: I know.
Eddie: Oh, God. Why am I so fat?
Saffie: You're not SO fat.
Eddie: I am! Why?
Saffie: Well, for start, you eat too much, you drink too much and you take no excercise.
Eddie: Darling, darling, please. It's far more likely to be an allergy to something, you know... You know, sort of a build-up of toxins, or something, or hormone imbalance, isn't it? Hmm? And also, sweetie, did you know I've got a very heavy aura? Did you know that? That's why animals love me, darling.
Saffie: They just see you as something to hibernate in.
Saffie: Look, mum. All you've got to do is eat less and take a bit of exercise.
Eddie: Sweetie, if it was that easy, everyone would be doing it. Anyway, I don't know what you mean. I do take exercise!
Saffie: You get out of bed, it ends there.
Eddie: I know what I'll do, I'll wait 'til Patsy gets here and phone her doctor. He'll do anything. And if that doesn't work, darling. I'm gonna go down to that Chinese clinic...
Eddie: Well, sweetie. The reason... It's not what I eat or how much I eat, it's these things in here. This fridge is just filled with crap, darling. Just filled with crap. Honestly. Look at this! I should only be eating organic food, food with the dirt still on it, darling... Throw out all the food in this fridge. It's revolting. I should just be eating green and white holistic food, shouldn't I sweetie? I shouldn't be eating... Oh, that's still got some in it, sweetie. I shoudn't be eating all this, should I, darling? Anyway, first I'm going to go on a fast.
[Saffron stares in disbelief]
Eddie: Well, it's not the sort of fast you're thinking of, darling. It's a special fast.
Saffie: Sort of an "eating a lot" sort of fast?
[first lines]
Eddie: Yes, yes, yes, yes... It'll be alright with a bit of jewellery.
[weighing herself]
Eddie: Oh, God, this is stupid. No, no, no, no! I've never been this heavy. There's not enough room on my bones for that sort of weight. No, no, no, no, no, no...
[drops her earings to the floor]
Eddie: Those are real gold, they must weight more than that. God!
Eddie: [on the phone] Can I speak to Doctor Jackson, please. It's Edina.
Saffie: Mum!
Eddie: [to Saffron] Shh, sweetie.
[into the phone]
Eddie: Philip, darling! It's Eddy. Look, can I have a few more of those pills I had last time? I want to lose a stone... Two weeks... Hmm, but it must be years since I had them last, isn't it?... Hmm, but they were just palpitations, for God's sake! Hmm? Are you telling me I can't have them?... What is the point of having a private doctor if he won't do what you want? Listen!... Please?... I want them to kill me!... Pilip?
[to Saffron]
Eddie: Can you believe he's not going to give them to me, darling!
Saffie: Good. You can't just take huge quantities of speed to lose weight.
Eddie: You can, darling. He treats royalty, believe me. Anyway, who wouldn't suffer a minor coronary for that degree of weight loss, I ask you?
I love the humor and I've found my new "excuse" I have a heavy aura!
ReplyDeleteLori
lolol LOVE it!
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