BE what you BElieve!

BE what you BElieve!

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

i'm back y'all!

<a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/3443/65/134430065.png" /></a>
so been a while.........i'm down to 180 , ive quit drinking dt dew, and my new goal is an unheard of never thought possible 160.

Monday, June 12, 2017


so I was featured in an online graphic tale and interviewed as a part of it, thought y'all might wanna check it out here's the link...
http://timtarottales.blogspot.com/

Sunday, January 1, 2017

woe to all

AS WE BID FARWELL TO THIS YEAR FROM HELL
WOE TO ALL FOR TARTARUS IS WHERE WE NOW DWELL
WE'VE LOST OUR MINDS AND EMBRACED THE BEAST
NOW IT'S ON OUR SOULS HE SHALL FEAST
YOU GNASH AND SCREAM OH WOE IS ME...
BUT THE FAULT LIES IN YOU AND NOT IN HE
THE BED IS MADE BUT THERE'S NO REST
YOU THINK HE CARES....SURELY YOU JEST
EVIL HEADS UP AMERICAS TABLE
CANT SAVE US NOW, NO ONE IS ABLE
BUT DONT BLAME ME WHEN ALL IS LOST
THE SHEEPLE HAVE SPOKEN COMMON SENSE IS TOSSED
THE ANTI-CHRIST ENSHRINED TO RULE THE LAND
ALL HOPE IS LOST AINT THE AMERICAN DREAM JUST GRAND~

Sunday, December 4, 2016

introspection then action

introspection is a wonderful thing. it brings insight into the self and helps you to understand the "why" of it all. I feel much better after my earlier vent and that's wonderful but if you don't follow that up with actual ACTION and put in the actual hard work needed. I'm at that point, I took stock of my admittedly barren pantry and will be going tomorrow to replentish with actual food that's good for me. I haven't been eating horribly but it's like skating that fine line and doing the bare minimum needed. that's simply not going to cut it, I feel best and was healthiest when I was eating the least carbs. I'm gonna use up the last of my garlic bread today and that's that. since bread is my kryptonite I simply cant have one little piece. therefore it shall be banished from my abode, that also means pizza, fast food etc etc. I don't have time to cook every day but I can prepare a weeks meals and freeze/microwave them and so I shall. I already drink water all night at work and I have discovered a flavored water I like . much as it makes me cringe to say it I have drank my last gatorade (SOB)
so I better enjoy lollygagging today and getting over my cattywampussness because tomorrow is a bright new day and I by golly am going to hit the ground running!


introspection

so 2016 has been a bloody horrible year with a few high spots...........
i'm finally at 185 whuch is my high school weight. 1st time ive been in onederland since 1986.
u have cheek and collarbones...............who knew? lol
I changed jobs in sept and that was and is terrifying in many ways. I had been a cashier ever since I graduated and a damn good one. not to sound conceited but I'm exceptional. it comes totally natural to me and I love it. bein a people person helps! lol sadly there's no money in it and with my living arrangement and cushy cheap/easy/comfortable living arrangement is going to end around july since my landlady after 10 years has decided to sell and travel. OOPS! for me. I simply couldn't afford to live on my own on what I was making so I went to amazon for a BIG pay raise. it's a warehouse environment and something ive never done before. i'm ok at it but not brilliant and that has been an issue and continues to bother me. I like to excel but alas I cant be better than my best. so my pride is a bit bruised. oh I'm meeting my standards but totally middle of the pack, UGH! ive always been the teachers/bosses pet damn it! lolol its all in my head but it truly irks me.
add to that my eye has been kicking my ass and ive missed work and been sick to my tummy for a month. (I'm sure all my stress isn't helping with that)
I'm also feelin pretty much alone, I'm not one to ask for help or someone to talk to *thank God for Doreen and the phone* but face to face time with humans is almost nil. that's left me feelin pretty damn mortal, when I go no one will even blink. all this stuff I crave and lust after will go to the dump. I don't even have anyone who enjoys what I do or would want my hard earned collections.
there will be no kids or a partner that's just not in the cards this go around. it never bothered me before, I guess getting older (48) and sickly after bein healthy as a horse all these years hit me hard.
diabetes sucks though I'm doin fine controlling it with diet. I refuse to take meds unless it becomes necessary. unfortunately what I had passed off as my feet hurting because of standing in uncomfortable shoes the last couple of years was probably the sugar and now I have an almost constant "tingling" in my feet (like when they fall asleep and you start to walk and wake em up) that is nerve damage and irreparable.
I have had to take far too much time off and the economy is slow so my raise has just kept me current I have yet to save a dime for my move and I need thousands and a plan which I don't have (I have an inkling) so desperation takes hold and that causes stress which causes................a viscous damn circle that's hard to get out of.
the world is gone nuts too and it drives me bonkers. opinionated I AM!
I support the military and police 100% so all the black lives matters nonsense drives me batshit. facts are 3 times as many white people are shot by police but that isn't good divisive press so no one hears about those. they'll protest a knife wielding felon getting shot but the NDAP pipeline where praying Native Americans are getting maced and shot with rubber bullets for protecting their ONLY water supply has barely gotten any national press.
trump and pence are going to do their best to drive my people (the gays) back into the closet and overturn every law protecting us and no one cares. (pence has a history and advocated conversion therapy.........really electroshock kids)  and these morons who think trump cares about their poor asses are delusional. he has a history as a businessman of screwing over people and is already advocating tax breaks for the rich and raises for others.
I really thought going in that 2016 was gonna be a banner year as I drew the Tower card for the new year. I just misinterpreted it, I thought it was gonna be a quick reboot and on to better things but it was everything burned to the ground and now we have to rebuild but alas I have a sinking feeling that the next four years will put America in great peril and divide us even more.
I keep trying to look for that silver lining but it becomes more and more difficult to ignore the downward spiral we as a society seem to be in. that apathy will be the ruin of us as only half of americans even votes so we let this happen.
wow didn't know I was gonna write a novella when I started this but I unleashed the torrent and I guess I might as well get it out examine it and try to make some sense of this chaos.
on a personal level I need to start a food diary again, and stick to a DAILY vitamin regime. I gave 2 of those weekly pill things set up but seem to skip 4 or 5 times a week. u also need to meditate and do yoga daily to keep me centered. the problem is I work a 10 to 12 hour shift, have a 40 minute commute boths ways plus 40 minute get ready time that's 14 hours and with bein sickly I sleep 9 hours just to feel fatigued anyway. I end up getting crap to eat and scarfing it down in the car on the way home . which I'm sure isn't helping anything.
this is where I feel "small and petty" because I have it so much better than so many who am I to complain. I have a roof over my head, insurance, a car, and can afford food. many people have nothing so ive been sucking it up buttercup style for so long that I think one of them bootstraps has finally snapped from bein pulled on too hard for too long.
some days I just wanna get in my car and drive away but don't know where to or what for cause the problems just follow along with you anyway. I can/shall/will/MUST figure this all out and ASAP because I need a plan and some RIGID boundaries. I trust the Universe but those old sayings hold true.........................God helps those who help themselves and Trust in Allah but tie up your camel.
whew I feel a lot lighter getting all that out. mayhaps in my spare time I should reboot this sadly neglected blog of mine too~

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

he who controls the...............

how could i be so blind/clueless................of course Trump won, he obviously controls the spice. hell he dipped his whole face in it!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Monday, October 3, 2016

The Beauty in the Dark

tis the season, my ode to the Mistress of the Dark Herself, ELVIRA~
BREATHTAKING CREATURE AT HOME IN THE NIGHT
THE BEAUTY IN THE DARKNESS ECLIPSING ALL THE LIGHT
HAIR DARK AS RAVENS WINGS LIPS BLOOD RED AND FULL
VOICE OF A SIREN,CAN'T YOU FEEL THE PULL...
BODY OF A GODDESS SURPASSES ALL THE REST...
I'M SPEAKING OF ELVIRA ALTHOUGH I'M SURE YOU GUESSED
THE MISTRESS OF THE DARK WOMAN OF MY DREAMS
WHO ELSE COULD FILL THAT DRESS BURSTIN' AT THE SEAMS
ONLY SHE CAN ROCK THE DARKSIDE OUTPARTY ALL THE REST
SO WHEN YOU WANT A TASTE OF TERROR WHY NOT TRY THE BEST
SHE'LL USE YOU AND ABUSE YOU FOR A LITTLE FUN
ONCE YOU'VE CROSSED THE DARKSIDE YOU'LL FORGET ABOUT THE SUN


Monday, October 12, 2015

happy halloween y'all

 time to share my ode to the Mistress of the Dark herself, ELVIRA!






THE BEAUTY IN THE DARK
BREATHTAKING CREATURE AT HOME IN THE NIGHT
THE BEAUTY IN THE DARKNESS ECLIPSING ALL THE LIGHT
HAIR DARK AS RAVENS WINGS LIPS BLOOD RED AND FULL
VOICE OF A SIREN,CAN'T YOU FEEL THE PULL
BODY OF A GODDESS SURPASSES ALL THE REST...
I'M SPEAKING OF ELVIRA ALTHOUGH I'M SURE YOU GUESSED
THE MISTRESS OF THE DARK WOMAN OF MY DREAMS
WHO ELSE COULD FILL THAT DRESS BURSTIN' AT THE SEAMS
ONLY SHE CAN ROCK THE DARKSIDE OUTPARTY ALL THE REST
SO WHEN YOU WANT A TASTE OF TERROR WHY NOT TRY THE BEST
SHE'LL USE YOU AND ABUSE YOU FOR A LITTLE FUN
ONCE YOU'VE CROSSED THE DARKSIDE YOU'LL FORGET ABOUT THE SUN

Monday, October 5, 2015

meanwhile..............

I've been away a long time y'all and I do get the occasional twinge to blog but alas life needs to be lived and I have been doing just that!
I am not on any plan at all and i'm down to 192 just 7 pounds from my goal by simply not overeating (for me anyway) lolol
and of course blogger still wont post a pic for me, says it's unsupported..........(i'm on a new computer even) this brings it all back! anyway hope all of y'all are doin well i'd love to hear from ya on facebook!

Friday, April 24, 2015

ONEDERLAND!

WELL Y'ALL I KNOW I'VE BEEN MIA BUT I JUST HAD TO SHARE THAT AS OF TONIGHT I'M 199! WITHOUT ANY SPECIFIC DIET OR WORKING OUT I JUST HAVENT BEEN EATING AS MUCH..............I ACTUALLY HAD 3 HARDEES BISCUITS , CHIPS, AND A PAYDAY FOR BREAKFAST WHICH IS RIDICULOUS. IMAGINE WHAT I'D BE IF I HAD BEEN DOIN MY PLAN. THIS DOES MOTIVATE ME TO SHAKE A TAIL FEATHER. I'VE ALWAYS SAID 185 IS GOAL CAUSE THAT WAS WHAT I WEIGHED WHEN I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL ( thinking I was fat as a pig! lolol) THE CHARTS SAY 165............SO WHEN I GET TO 185 I'M GONNA RE-EVALUATE.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

A..N..T..I..C..I..P..A..T..I..O..N

WELL I'M DOWN ANOTHER POUND TO 203 SOOOOOOOOOOO CLOSETO ONEDERALAND AND JUST OUT OF REACH.......................on the good side my ribs are FINALLY all better so I'm gonna get back into the gym in the next few days. I work tonight then Tuesday and I have a 6 day break which I plan to make full use of!

Monday, February 9, 2015

my house as requested plus a weigh in!

ok lets get the weigh in out of the weigh...........I hadn't weighed since I moved but I've lost 2 pounds eating whatever I want whenever I want. I just don't want nearly as much since I'm happier I guess. no more stress equals no more stress eating, who knew? lol so I'm at 204. which is wonderful, my fall from a week and a half ago is still affecting me, oh I'm getting better S..L..O..W..L..Y, VERY SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY! lol I only get twinges when I stretch too much or bend too much so exercise is out for probably another week or so and that's ok. I'll get there eventually, onederland is tantalizingly close and I want to get there really bad, apparently this is my life lesson in patience which admittedly I have a problem with! (understatement!) LMAO
and here's various pics of my house...
these are my new barstools a housewarming gift

the new light fixture I picked out also a gift

this is also a housewarming present but it was the infamous supposed to be red rug that was burgundy, didn't work at all for the bedroom but beautiful in the living room!


this is my original rug which is now in front of my desk

the bedroom




these are the curtains gifted to me for the kitchen and I LOVE them!

my toy collection! lol





my bathroom has a name and theme it is "THE BUDDHA BATHROOM" it makes me tranquil and energized, so glad it went this way!  you cant see all of the colors but I have 4 bathmats, one orange, yellow, hot pink , turquoise..basically if it's in the Buddha poster I used it, the towels are the same colors.








this Buddha is my only new one, the rest I already had but I left the house the other morning "knowing" I was gonna have a new one, four shops and half a day later I found him at tj maxx of all places! take note of my 'found" soap dish next to him. it's a Rachel ray casserole dish my friend was gonna throw away! lolol I LOVE repurposing stuff!



I'm actually waiting on one poster to put in the frame you can see to the left of this pic.....
I just love the absurdity of it as if Buddha would need headphones! lol
Buddha Buddah Wearing Headphones Decorative Music Urban Art Poster Print 24x36



Monday, February 2, 2015

an update and an OUCH!

well I've been enjoying my sabbatical from blogging and it feels great to let go of that daily pressure to perform. my house is ALMOST finished, I'm anxiously awaiting two posters and a bedroom rug today and 2 barstools sometime this week. other than that I filed my taxes (and PRE-spent them!) and when I get those and submit my amazon order Castle Timothy will be complete...........that's a new bed/frame/bedding, toaster over, cd player which I am looking forward to so very much, upgrading to a full bed from the twin I've been on the past year or so.
now for the OUCH and it was a BIG OLE OUCH indeed, thrusday night we got a dusting of snow, just enough to need to clean off the car. I turned on the defrosters and went all the way around the car I was virtually done when my feet went sideways and I landed on my left side and bounced my face off the driveway. I actually had the wind knocked out of me and saw stars for a few moments. on the bright side I didn't knock my silly self out cause it was pitch black and no one would have seen me til morning. I drug myself up and went on in to work (it was a truck night with an inspection the next morning) cause after last month I simply cant afford another er visit or any missed work.  here's a couple of then and nows so y'all can see...
this was Thursday


this is just a moment ago


that's my week in a nutshell, hope y'alls has been WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY better than mine! lolol
oh i'll leave y'all with some LOTR humor...

Sunday, January 25, 2015

HMMMMMMM SIMPLIFY

I REALLY FEEL THE NEED TO SIMPLIFY AND HONESTLY I HAVE SO LITTLE TIME I'M WILLING TO SPEND ONLINE ANYMORE. I ALREADY CLOSED MY FAT TO FIT FACEBOOK PAGE AND AM TRYIN TO DECIDE IF MY HEARTS STILL ON/IN THIS BLOG ENOUGH TO  KEEP IT GOIN AND GIVE IT THE ATTENTION IT NEEDS/DESERVES. I'VE MADE A HANDFUL OF WONDERFUL SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS I DONT WANNA LOSE SO I WANT TO MAKE SURE Y'ALL HAVE MY OTHER INFO JUST IN CASE, MY FB PAGE IS...
https://www.facebook.com/timothylmartin
MY EMAIL IS BUFFALOMOONCHILD@HOTMAIL.COM
 AND I SAW THIS AND WAS LIKE YES! LOLOL


Thursday, January 22, 2015

expansive

I feel so very expansive in my new space. so odd I never realized how confined I felt until I had room, it feels like I was wearing a whale bone corset and now I'm free and I can breathe!
I haven't been paying too much attention to my health/diet the last couple of weeks admittedly but sometimes life happens. lol that's ok it's a part of living if I was perfect it'd be kinda boring. this week I'm broke so food budget was kinda small. I'm eating tomato soup, noodles, chili, etc etc ....cheap and easy (just like my men! BWAHAHAHA!) the plan is to make it thru this week and then on tues night when I get paid again I'm gonna pick up a George foreman rill , frozen chicken breasts, salmon, tilapia, etc and salad fixins, plus stuff for chicken salads, tuna salads and such. I plan on "TRYING" to eat very little beef/pork and move to a more fish/fowl based diet along with salads and some nuts for snacks. this type of eating suits me very well it just takes time/effort/money but I am worth it!
jasmine is joining my gym when her taxes come in and we plan on bringing our clothes to work and going after we get off and work out at least 3 times a week. it'll be great to have a partner!
I'm not waiting on her I'm gonna start going this weekend.....I have readings today and tomorrow and right now money takes precedence over anything else.
just in case y'all have a hankerin for something sweet here's some YUM YUM eye candy!


Tuesday, January 20, 2015

mission move cmplete!

well I did it, I'm moved! and more importantly unpacked! I have literally one cd rack to buy and one tote to unpack and i'll be finished.
here's a few pics I'm gonna love it!
here's the kitchen


the living room/library




the bedroom



the bathroom



I unintentionally made a "Gaurdian" I had thrown this cloth on a hook and was carrying this mask and tossed it over just to free up my hands so I could open the closet and there he was! added my Hawaiian beads and I think he's absolutely wonderful!