BIG sigh, unfortunately the enlightened idiot is me. I've spent deacdes trying to become a more spiritual selfless person and I missed the boat so completely on some really basic stuff. I cant simply disassociate myself from my past and pretend I'm someone different from who I am. that's putting on airs (not a good thing) I guess I always looked down upon the place I sprang from and goodness knows I ran as far away as I could as soon as I could.
having seen only the narrow Christian view and borne the brunt of its disapproval as a child I have made it my lifes work to explore and incorporate other belief into my life. everything from native American to Hinduism and all in between I embrace. I have done sweat lodges, firewalks, guided meditations, past life regressions, soul retrival. shamanic journeying, vision quests, cleanses, fasts, edgar Cayce, harner, villiolodo, ted Andrews, Sylvia browne, john Edward, and everyone and anyone else you can think of. I'm a Reiki Master, certified herbalist, directional healer, artist, poet, blah blah blah.................yet I didn't see the truth of where I started and the things happeneinmg right in front of me. I even got angry when my sister tried to point out6 some very basic truths that I guess I hadn't wanted to see or acknowledge.
my sister and I have had a really strained distant relationship most of our lives. neither of us are to blame it's from circumstance and evil adult intervention. that bein said we wasted much of our adult lives hiding behind anger and blame but now we're working on it and trying to come to some middle ground where we can just be siblings without all our past garbage. I never thought she loved me and honestly thought she felt she was better than me and hated me for being gay...we had misinformation handed us at every turn by those who should have been looking out for us. I can gladly say we're closer now than we have ever been and we're starting to sort out the nightmare that was our youth. I have had this thing periodically where my throat just totally seizes up for no reason, there is nothing medically and nothing allergy wise to cause it. well my sister had no esophagus when she was born and she had to have one fabricated from her small intestine. it has left her with some serious issues including horrible acid reflux and no ability to throw up (she literally can NOT!) for all my airy fairy knowledge it never occurred to me before that I was getting her distress because I didn't think we had a connection of spirit at all. so stupid. it seems so obvious once it clicked but when I'm clueless I'm TOTALLY clueless.
I guess sometimes we see what we want to see now matter how obvious the truth is..............
having seen only the narrow Christian view and borne the brunt of its disapproval as a child I have made it my lifes work to explore and incorporate other belief into my life. everything from native American to Hinduism and all in between I embrace. I have done sweat lodges, firewalks, guided meditations, past life regressions, soul retrival. shamanic journeying, vision quests, cleanses, fasts, edgar Cayce, harner, villiolodo, ted Andrews, Sylvia browne, john Edward, and everyone and anyone else you can think of. I'm a Reiki Master, certified herbalist, directional healer, artist, poet, blah blah blah.................yet I didn't see the truth of where I started and the things happeneinmg right in front of me. I even got angry when my sister tried to point out6 some very basic truths that I guess I hadn't wanted to see or acknowledge.
my sister and I have had a really strained distant relationship most of our lives. neither of us are to blame it's from circumstance and evil adult intervention. that bein said we wasted much of our adult lives hiding behind anger and blame but now we're working on it and trying to come to some middle ground where we can just be siblings without all our past garbage. I never thought she loved me and honestly thought she felt she was better than me and hated me for being gay...we had misinformation handed us at every turn by those who should have been looking out for us. I can gladly say we're closer now than we have ever been and we're starting to sort out the nightmare that was our youth. I have had this thing periodically where my throat just totally seizes up for no reason, there is nothing medically and nothing allergy wise to cause it. well my sister had no esophagus when she was born and she had to have one fabricated from her small intestine. it has left her with some serious issues including horrible acid reflux and no ability to throw up (she literally can NOT!) for all my airy fairy knowledge it never occurred to me before that I was getting her distress because I didn't think we had a connection of spirit at all. so stupid. it seems so obvious once it clicked but when I'm clueless I'm TOTALLY clueless.
I guess sometimes we see what we want to see now matter how obvious the truth is..............
No comments:
Post a Comment
I welcome y'alls input and ideas just make sure you keep it polite and remember if you cant say nothing nice it's a good time to hush it up!