I'm gonna just lay it out in all it's unholy glory for y'all...yesterday was BAD. I was in full blown panic because there is/was nothing I can do. I cant even look at my sister and "see" if she's ok since I'm thousands of miles away. (I'm in DE she's in AL) I KNEW that my eating was gonna be awful and I was actually ok with that, because I felt it was better to just let it happen and control it as best as possible than to allow it to build up.and be a BINGEFEST for days on end. my appetite tends to be like a stampede when I turn to food for comfort/love. totally out of control and dangerous to anyone in my way!
I started craving my southern comfort foods....pecan pie 1st and foremost. the plan was to buy one of those small tins to trick myself into being satisfied and move on to lesser evil foods for the bulk of the blowout, well of course wally redid the section and got rid of the small ones and it HAD to be pecan no other options so yep I bought a whole pecan pie. then I wanted pulled pork bbq sandwiches with dill pickles, they have tubs but they're HUGE and I didn't want that much temptation in front of me. luckily when I was roaming around I found a can of bbq pork (size of the large can of chicken breast $2.18 size) so I bought that instead (enough for 4 sand on a hamburger bun)
I got home and got all my food ready and guess what it wound u NOT bein that bad. I ate 3 pork sandwiches (small buns, tiny!) and one slice of pie and I was stuffed. and I stopped. mayhaps 4 hours alter I felt another attack coming on and I fixed 2 hot dogs with cheese, I ate mayhaps 1/3 of one and tossed the bread/cheese and simply ate the wieners. then I had a handful of peanuts and that was that.
to some this may sound like a huge amount of food but rest assured in the scheme of my life this was negligible! apparently my months "maintaining" and eating by instinct have transformed me more than I could have hoped.
today the problem is still there and I'm still terrified but I have no desire to turn to food for comfort. it doesn't control me I control me!
I started craving my southern comfort foods....pecan pie 1st and foremost. the plan was to buy one of those small tins to trick myself into being satisfied and move on to lesser evil foods for the bulk of the blowout, well of course wally redid the section and got rid of the small ones and it HAD to be pecan no other options so yep I bought a whole pecan pie. then I wanted pulled pork bbq sandwiches with dill pickles, they have tubs but they're HUGE and I didn't want that much temptation in front of me. luckily when I was roaming around I found a can of bbq pork (size of the large can of chicken breast $2.18 size) so I bought that instead (enough for 4 sand on a hamburger bun)
I got home and got all my food ready and guess what it wound u NOT bein that bad. I ate 3 pork sandwiches (small buns, tiny!) and one slice of pie and I was stuffed. and I stopped. mayhaps 4 hours alter I felt another attack coming on and I fixed 2 hot dogs with cheese, I ate mayhaps 1/3 of one and tossed the bread/cheese and simply ate the wieners. then I had a handful of peanuts and that was that.
to some this may sound like a huge amount of food but rest assured in the scheme of my life this was negligible! apparently my months "maintaining" and eating by instinct have transformed me more than I could have hoped.
today the problem is still there and I'm still terrified but I have no desire to turn to food for comfort. it doesn't control me I control me!
I am an emotional eater too, and in situations like yours struggle to find another outlet for my emotions. On a positive note, you tried to keep things from getting out of control. Even though it wasn't as you had planned it was not a horrible blow-out. Try to see the accomplishment in that, rather than making yourself feel worse for what cannot be undone and may lead to worse choices.
ReplyDeleteLori
I'm actually pretty darn happy that my body didn't cooperate with my mind fully and self-limited the binge.
Delete