if nothing else I've been an open book and sometimes I share too much. when it's me that's fine but mayhaps others don't want the whole world to know their business so I'm just gonna say I found out a truth that made everything I thought I knew about my childhood a lie and places I felt safe aren't any longer. ever since I can remember probably 10 years old my dreams all happen inside the confines of my grandparents house every single good one I've ever had but it turns out my grand daddy wasn't who I thought and now that safe feeling is gone so my dreams have no boundries and are in complete chaos. I wake up confused and exhausted even if I manage to sleep at all.
how can something be so outside of the reality and me not know it? apparently my powers of observation are wonky at best. it's gonna take some time to deal with this and see where it leaves me. the truth is always the best but seriously I'm 46 friggin years old so why did Spirit pick now to blindside me and pull the rug out from under me? the lack of sleep has made me irritable and turned me into a sourpuss, a fact which shall NOT stand cause I can't be like that and I wont be like that! BIG sigh! cest le vie, nothing to be done but keep on keepin on. i'll be ok I ALWAYS am, there's really no other option so Big boy undies on and suckin it up buttercup mode activated!
how can something be so outside of the reality and me not know it? apparently my powers of observation are wonky at best. it's gonna take some time to deal with this and see where it leaves me. the truth is always the best but seriously I'm 46 friggin years old so why did Spirit pick now to blindside me and pull the rug out from under me? the lack of sleep has made me irritable and turned me into a sourpuss, a fact which shall NOT stand cause I can't be like that and I wont be like that! BIG sigh! cest le vie, nothing to be done but keep on keepin on. i'll be ok I ALWAYS am, there's really no other option so Big boy undies on and suckin it up buttercup mode activated!
I am sure this is hard to work through, but don't add to it by beating yourself up for not knowing. You were 10!! Ten year old boys don't have the life experience to discern things that a 40 year old man does. Let that one go.
ReplyDeleteLori
Hugs to you! It's no fun to have the rug pulled out from under you. My advice about those happy memories. Focus on the happy. Whatever lies were told don't take away the fact that you were HAPPY!!!!! Deal with the negative but keep both things in their proper place. Using me as an example...my marriage has been hellish at times....yet I have good memories. I'm not going to throw out the scrapbooks and photo books of the happy stuff. I'm going to put the negative in its proper place and focus on the good parts of these last 16 years. That's what you need to do about those happy/negative conflicts!!!
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