HMMMMMMM SIMPLIFY

I REALLY FEEL THE NEED TO SIMPLIFY AND HONESTLY I HAVE SO LITTLE TIME I'M WILLING TO SPEND ONLINE ANYMORE. I ALREADY CLOSED MY FAT TO FIT FACEBOOK PAGE AND AM TRYIN TO DECIDE IF MY HEARTS STILL ON/IN THIS BLOG ENOUGH TO  KEEP IT GOIN AND GIVE IT THE ATTENTION IT NEEDS/DESERVES. I'VE MADE A HANDFUL OF WONDERFUL SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS I DONT WANNA LOSE SO I WANT TO MAKE SURE Y'ALL HAVE MY OTHER INFO JUST IN CASE, MY FB PAGE IS...
https://www.facebook.com/timothylmartin
MY EMAIL IS BUFFALOMOONCHILD@HOTMAIL.COM
 AND I SAW THIS AND WAS LIKE YES! LOLOL

expansive

I feel so very expansive in my new space. so odd I never realized how confined I felt until I had room, it feels like I was wearing a whale bone corset and now I'm free and I can breathe!
I haven't been paying too much attention to my health/diet the last couple of weeks admittedly but sometimes life happens. lol that's ok it's a part of living if I was perfect it'd be kinda boring. this week I'm broke so food budget was kinda small. I'm eating tomato soup, noodles, chili, etc etc ....cheap and easy (just like my men! BWAHAHAHA!) the plan is to make it thru this week and then on tues night when I get paid again I'm gonna pick up a George foreman rill , frozen chicken breasts, salmon, tilapia, etc and salad fixins, plus stuff for chicken salads, tuna salads and such. I plan on "TRYING" to eat very little beef/pork and move to a more fish/fowl based diet along with salads and some nuts for snacks. this type of eating suits me very well it just takes time/effort/money but I am worth it!
jasmine is joining my gym when her taxes come in and we plan on bringing our clothes to work and going after we get off and work out at least 3 times a week. it'll be great to have a partner!
I'm not waiting on her I'm gonna start going this weekend.....I have readings today and tomorrow and right now money takes precedence over anything else.
just in case y'all have a hankerin for something sweet here's some YUM YUM eye candy!

mission move cmplete!

well I did it, I'm moved! and more importantly unpacked! I have literally one cd rack to buy and one tote to unpack and i'll be finished.
here's a few pics I'm gonna love it!
here's the kitchen


the living room/library




the bedroom



the bathroom



I unintentionally made a "Gaurdian" I had thrown this cloth on a hook and was carrying this mask and tossed it over just to free up my hands so I could open the closet and there he was! added my Hawaiian beads and I think he's absolutely wonderful!

movin update

just a quick update...........
I have now officially moved! YEAH! not sure if I even talked about what was goin on, see we have 2 homes side by side. me, Dawn, Donnie, Bernie, Sabrina, Tyler, and Damien live in the larger home, Sue, Xavier, and Johnny live in the smaller one. Sue's getting older and doesn't like bein alone anymore (the boys are late teens) and the boys are in school all day then disappear into their caverns of despair as soon as they get home! lolol so she decided she wanted to come to the house I live in. I had a normal sized room and 1/2 bath, the new space I have a master bedroom, HUGE bathroom with garden tub, shower stall and 2 sinks, plus a walk in closet. so it's a MAJOR upgrade for me. I also have an entire house to do with as I will, so I'm unpacking stuff that's been in storage for 10 years like all my collectible toys and such. really really happy and blessed with this new space.
the downside is my back/knees are NOT so happy! lol see all week I've been working all night then from around 7am to 1pm I was literally toting all my books and bookcases etc etc over by hand. it's down 5 steps across a yard and up 5 steps. even 800mg ibuprophen isn't helping but if I get the three bookcases I bought put together this morning and finish putting away everything i'll be able to rest, and I took off tues just in case I needed the time. VERY glad I did that so I can have a whole day of R & R.

movin

well y'all I'm totally in the midst of packing and moving...it got moved up by a week so I'm taking off sun/mon/tues to get it done but my poor back/knees are feelin it I moved bookcases/books from 7 am yesterday till noonish then had a grocery truck this morning and it's gonna be more of the same today.........wish me luck! it'll all be worth it when I get into my fabulous HUGE new space!

stir it up!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtOoeDPc9uI
great advice, time to STIR IT UP on lotsa levels!

I can't sit here while I go nowhere
Chase my dreams through the polluted air
Walking on a wire, running out of time
There's no room in this ol' heart of mine

Bill collectors waiting down the hall
Neighbors scream and crack the bedroom wall
Nerves jump off the pavement, passion hits the street
Anger's cookin' in the city heat

World's too crazy, I can't take no more
I won't stay here locked behind the door

Baby, stir it up, got to break it up now
When I think about tomorrow, I can't wait to
Stir it up, got to shake it up now
If I have to beg or borrow, I'm not gonna take it anymore

Hungry minds do stare you in the eye
Spread it thick and lay the biggest lies
Don't say what you feel, must play hard to get
All those time bombs tickin' in your head

So much pressure to keep holdin' on
Pack my clothes up, baby, I'll be gone

I've got to stir it up, got to break it up now
When I think about tomorrow, I can't wait to
Stir it up, got to shake it up now
If I have to beg or borrow, I'm not gonna take it anymore

Can't find love because it's trapped inside
Can't find freedom flirting with the line
Make some room in this ol' heart of mine

So much pressure to keep holdin' on
Pack my clothes up, baby, I'll be gone

Stir it up, I've got to break it up now
When I think about tomorrow, I can't wait to
Stir it up, got to shake it up now
If I have to beg or borrow, I don't wanna take it anymore

Got to break it up now
When I think about tomorrow, I can't wait to
Stir it up, got to shake it up now
If I have to beg or borrow, I don't wanna take it anymore

fear NOT!

as I walk down the middle of the grocery store I shall NOT fear the sugar laden crap, nor shall I reach for it. I'm simply takin the shortest route to get to the bookcases, I can say furniture before food and be serious! LOLOL

cold workouts

the cold is no excuse, and while I didn't do traditional exercise the past 2 days I got one hell of a workout packing and carrying 3 bookcases across to the next house plus about 20 totes full of stuff. I'm sore in places I didn't know I had! lolol

I enjoyed this article so I thought I'd share it!

At the height of last year’s polar vortex, Megan Jones watched the temperature drop “with a strange glee,” she says. The bone-chilling weather brought a welcome challenge to the 41-year-old Arlington resident’s workout. When it comes to exercising outside, “I don’t think there is a ‘too cold’ for me,” says Jones, who regularly commutes about three miles by bike and races with the all-women Team Sticky Fingers cycling team. “The fresh air and scenery are worth it,” she says of her winter rides, for the “greater sense of accomplishment than spinning in place toward nowhere.”

Many people, understandably, want to hibernate in colder weather. Even going to the gym seems that much harder. But for some of us, winter is not an impediment but an opportunity to push ourselves a little harder to run, bike and even swim outside. Outdoor exercise might save you the price of a gym membership and, as long as you’re careful, offers benefits for body and mind.

Nora Krug is a Book World editor and a MisFits columnist. View Archive

For one thing, outdoor exercise can help fend off seasonal affective disorder. “Part of what makes people miserable in the winter is being confined,” says Norman E. Rosenthal, a psychiatrist and author of “Winter Blues: Everything You Need to Know to Beat Seasonal Affective Disorder.” “Getting outside opens a whole vista,” he says. “The greater the light in your environment, the more serotonin release in the brain — and that is known to be a very potent mood regulator.”
Dan Guilbeault, who is 35 and lives in the District, has experienced this sort of emotional uplift. “During particularly cold weather, running on the Mall at night can almost be meditative,” he says. “There are very few other people out, and with snow, all the sound is even mellowed.”

The outdoor swimming pool at the YMCA. (Bill O'Leary/The Washington Post)

Lifeguard Ian Flanary, right, keeps warm inside a little shack on the edge of the pool. (Bill O'Leary/The Washington Post)

Louise Papile, 65, a longtime outdoor winter swimmer, relishes the “contrast between the cold air and the warmth of the pool.” (She swims at the Silver Spring YMCA, which, like the Bethesda branch, has a heated outdoor pool that is open year-round and closes only in extreme conditions.) She says her Nordic-style workout is more refreshing and stimulating than exercising indoors. She’s even swum while it snowed and loves watching the sky change while doing the backstroke.
As Ginny Wright, a fitness instructor who has been running outdoor classes in McLean and Arlington for more than a decade, puts it: “Exercising in winter is amazingly invigorating. It is the best natural mood enhancer . . . especially when it’s sunny.”
The benefits of outdoor winter exercise are also physical. Exercising in the cold requires extra exertion to raise your body temperature, burning more calories than comparable exercise indoors. Wind resistance adds an extra challenge. “If you are making athletic-level effort — cycling hard, running at a training level — you are burning 10 to 40 percent more calories in the cold than you would in more temperate temperatures,” says Jo Zimmerman, an instructor in the department of kinesiology at the University of Maryland and a longtime trainer.
Exercising outside also means avoiding gym germs. A bunch of people sweating in close quarters, using the same equipment and locker rooms, makes gyms “a good place to pick up a potential pathogen,” says Philip Tierno, a professor of microbiology and pathology at New York University and author of “The Secret Life of Germs.” Despite what your grandmother might have told you about catching a cold in the cold, it’s germs that make you sick, and you are less likely to encounter them if you are biking or running outside than when you are pounding away on an elliptical machine that has been used by who knows whom all day.

The D.C. Chapter members of the November Project perform exercises nearby the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool in the early morning hours of Wednesday, January 22, 2014. (Craig Hudson/For The Washington Post)

Of course, there are risks to exercising in the cold: falling on ice, hypothermia, dehydration and exposure to sun and wind. People with heart or respiratory problems need to be especially mindful, but despite popular beliefs to the contrary, your lungs will not freeze on a cold run.
But cold-weather risks are relatively small in the Washington area, where the average winter temperature is about 38 degrees — and they’re even smaller if you’re prepared.
For running or biking, dressing in layers is key, especially with materials that fend off wind and wick away wetness and clothes that can be unzipped as you get warm. Some runners like compression tights, and on really cold, windy days, a balaclava, ski mask or a layer of oil-based lotion on your face can help with the wind. A hat and gloves or mittens are also vital. (Basically, you don’t want any of your body exposed, unless you’re swimming in a heated pool, in which case, just a suit will do — and two dry towels, one outside, one warm one waiting for you inside.)
Take more time to warm up and ease into your workout slowly to acclimate to the temperature, Zimmerman suggests, and take more time to cool down at the end of your routine. And don’t forget to hydrate — even a warm beverage will do. You may not notice your thirst when you’re cold, she says, but you are still losing fluids.
Megan Jones says she doesn’t mind the additional effort it takes to gear up for her morning bike ride. Tackling the cold through exercise gives her “an extra boost as I go through the day,” she says. “After battling wind chills, rain, snow or just even the plain cold, I know that I’ve already accomplished something even before hitting my desk.”

PERSPECTIVE

YA'LL KNOW EVERYTHING IS IN HOW YOU LOOK AT A GIVEN SITUATION!



I started packing and sorting and getting rid of stuff, unloaded a wardrobe, 3 bookcases and packed all unneccesary stuff from the bathroom. this move is gonna be great for me. I hadn't realized how constricted I felt until I started imagining my stuff in my new space. it's gonna be amazing!
of course now my back aches but I'm looking at the pain as progress!

NO SWEETIE DARLING NO!

I HATE bein this fat, and I'm not even that fat! lolol but tis not where I want to be and I've just been lollygagging about half assing it so time to shake myself out of theses doldrums and take that good hard look.................and I'm NOT happy or having it.
but I shall see the humor in my angst and i'll be fine! just need to revamp my program and stick to it like glue! in the meantime enjoy some fat "humor" from absolutely fabulous one of my all time fave british shows (good news a theatrical movie in 2016!)


Saffie: [Edina is chanting in Buddhist] Oh, dear.
Eddie: Morning, sweetie. I'm only going to wear orange from now on, darling. Religious purposes.
Saffie: You've been getting dressed for three hours and you still look like a bloated citrus fruit.
Eddie: Sweetie, it is a very healing color, a very positive color.
[continues chanting]
Eddie: I'm getting rid of all my other clothes.
Saffie: Is that really the best you could come up with?
Eddie: Oh, God! Well, only this and the deaded kaftan fitted. Well, I say fitted. It was filled to capacity. I mean, all my clothes have got stretch marks, darling.

 

 

[explaining why she never did exercise]
Eddie: In the sixties, we were too stoned to jog. In the seventies, we had platform shoes.
Justin: That high.
Eddie: and in the eighties...
Justin: Brain cells destroyed in the sixties. See, you know, she can't remember. The Age of the Punk.
Eddie: Yes, punk darling. We were too busy putting pins through our noses.
Saffie: But you were too old to be a punk, weren't you?
Eddie: Darling, I was a punk.
Saffie: I know.




Eddie: Oh, God. Why am I so fat?
Saffie: You're not SO fat.
Eddie: I am! Why?
Saffie: Well, for start, you eat too much, you drink too much and you take no excercise.
Eddie: Darling, darling, please. It's far more likely to be an allergy to something, you know... You know, sort of a build-up of toxins, or something, or hormone imbalance, isn't it? Hmm? And also, sweetie, did you know I've got a very heavy aura? Did you know that? That's why animals love me, darling.
Saffie: They just see you as something to hibernate in.





Saffie: Look, mum. All you've got to do is eat less and take a bit of exercise.
Eddie: Sweetie, if it was that easy, everyone would be doing it. Anyway, I don't know what you mean. I do take exercise!
Saffie: You get out of bed, it ends there.
Eddie: I know what I'll do, I'll wait 'til Patsy gets here and phone her doctor. He'll do anything. And if that doesn't work, darling. I'm gonna go down to that Chinese clinic...


Eddie: Well, sweetie. The reason... It's not what I eat or how much I eat, it's these things in here. This fridge is just filled with crap, darling. Just filled with crap. Honestly. Look at this! I should only be eating organic food, food with the dirt still on it, darling... Throw out all the food in this fridge. It's revolting. I should just be eating green and white holistic food, shouldn't I sweetie? I shouldn't be eating... Oh, that's still got some in it, sweetie. I shoudn't be eating all this, should I, darling? Anyway, first I'm going to go on a fast.
[Saffron stares in disbelief]
Eddie: Well, it's not the sort of fast you're thinking of, darling. It's a special fast.
Saffie: Sort of an "eating a lot" sort of fast?



[first lines]
Eddie: Yes, yes, yes, yes... It'll be alright with a bit of jewellery.
[weighing herself]
Eddie: Oh, God, this is stupid. No, no, no, no! I've never been this heavy. There's not enough room on my bones for that sort of weight. No, no, no, no, no, no...
[drops her earings to the floor]
Eddie: Those are real gold, they must weight more than that. God!



Eddie: [on the phone] Can I speak to Doctor Jackson, please. It's Edina.
Saffie: Mum!
Eddie: [to Saffron] Shh, sweetie.
[into the phone]
Eddie: Philip, darling! It's Eddy. Look, can I have a few more of those pills I had last time? I want to lose a stone... Two weeks... Hmm, but it must be years since I had them last, isn't it?... Hmm, but they were just palpitations, for God's sake! Hmm? Are you telling me I can't have them?... What is the point of having a private doctor if he won't do what you want? Listen!... Please?... I want them to kill me!... Pilip?
[to Saffron]
Eddie: Can you believe he's not going to give them to me, darling!
Saffie: Good. You can't just take huge quantities of speed to lose weight.
Eddie: You can, darling. He treats royalty, believe me. Anyway, who wouldn't suffer a minor coronary for that degree of weight loss, I ask you?

expectations

aint expectations frustrating! I was SUPPOSED to have a short day at work and made plans. I almost never gat a short shift! well don't you know it someone got sick and had to leave and I had to stay an extra three hours. I don't begrudge someone bein ill goodness knows I've been there but the Murphy fellow need to take his teeth outta my arse and chomp someone else, I'm tired of his nonsense! lolol

GHOST

do y'all ever feel haunted, oh not by spooks but by the choices you made (or failed to make) I'm actually pretty happy I don't regret much because it's a waste of time and energy as it changes nothing and can only depress/destroy you if you dwell. but this song by ella Henderson just GRABS me by the throat/heart every time I hear it (in a good way!)  what do all of y'all think...here's the link since blogger hasn't let me post a video or picture the normal way in 8 months! lol


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA8AfQaUnXM

I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most
I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

My friends I can figure out
You're the soul that's inside of you
It's rock hard in another you
But your evil was coming through

These eyes sitting on the wall
Well they watch every move I make
Bright light taking in the shape
You go hard, makes my spirit shake

(Ooh) I had to go through hell to prove I'm not insane
Had to meet the devil just to know his name

And that's when my love was burning
Yeah it's still burning

I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most
I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most
I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

Each time that I think you go
I turn around and you're creeping in
And I let you another skin
'Cause I love living in the sin

Oh you never told me
True love was gonna hurt
True pain, it's own desert
True face that I never learned

(Ooh) I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most
I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most
I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Stall the haunting baby

Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
Give up the ghost
No more haunting baby

I keep going to the river

I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most
I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

I keep going to the river to pray
'Cause I need something that can wash out the pain
And at most
I'm sleeping all these demons away
But your ghost, the ghost of you
It keeps me awake

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Songwriters
Henderson, Ella / Tedder, Ryan / Zancanella, Noel

the walk

time to walk the walk cause I'm done with the talk. gym bag packed i'll be goin to the gym when I get off work. I have readings this morning so I don't have time today, not an excuse just the facts. oh I may pop in a workout video to do whilst my laundry is in the wash, gotta make use of them "spin cycles" LMAO! car has gas, picked up groceries yesterday, gonna pop in my laundry and take a nap cause I gotta be at the shop by 10am. NOT looking forward to the next few days cause I've been a lump for a whole week and not much better since the bginning of December when my issues started so I'm weak as a kitten and I know i'll be sore as hell for the first three to four days then I should hit my stride and it'll be fine!
DEEP BREATH.....here goes EVERYTHING!

life has no remote

I saw this meme today and it just spoke to me, life has no remote so get up and change yourself!

so gosh darn true and so simply yet profound.

temple or trash

 mayhaps I worship at the altar of sanitation cause my eatings been atrocious this week...........
actually it's more like on again off again as I do great every other day. alas we all know what that does to low carb eating it kills it.
yesterday for example I did great all day I was at zero carbs around 3pm I went to the movies (saw into the woods LOVED it!) and afterwards I just didn't want to cook so I got chicken teriyaki over white rice, double meat extra sauce. admittedly I couldn't eat it all I ate about 2/3 of it, and finished it off for breakfast this morning.
I think I simply have too much time on my hands this week and I've been doin non=physical stuff. at least when I get back to work i'll be MOVING! lolol  cest le vie my stamina and will power have simply been low since I got sick. gonna have to let it go cause I cant get a redo, I simply need to FOCUS!

lil ole me

all of y'all know I'm just timothy 24/7 /365 I don't TRY to upset folks but I don't try to be pc and mollycoddle them either. so I have people come and go as followers and friends. it's THEIR problem not mine. I'd rather have a respectful discussion and exchange of ideas but to most if you cant see it their way you're wrong. sorry I don't play well with bossy folks!
I saw a story that set me off about a senator whose dustrice includes ferguson, she's black and she made twitter threats against white people in her district. EXCUSE ME? you are an elected official who was hired to look out for all you constituents of ALL races! so I went on a mini rant on FB! lolol
and here it is...............................
"unless I'm mistaken you racist twit, you represent all the people of your district of all races not just the ones you're pandering to............all of y'all need to stop this race baiting bullshit. we'd get along fine amongst ourselves if people who are extremists of all races would stop stirring the sheeple up. how about raising kids to respect people in general, and that they'll be rewarded for hard work and that the world don't owe anybody a gosh darn thing! I don't get m...istreated for bein gay because I don't even consider that in my wheelhouse, mayhaps if you looked at your effort and demeanor instead of automatically throwin a pity party for yourself at every turn you'd get further in this world. you don't fight injustice by being a lawbreaker you work within the system to affect positive change. and by the by if you're not working to be a part of the solution and keeping an open dialog with those different than you then shut the fuck up and stay under your rock! I'm sick of this whole bad behavior gets rewarded crap we do in America. when a riot breaks out and people an property are in danger SHUT IT DOWN BY FORCE IF NECCESARY. and if you'e lobbing rocks and stuff at cops then you should be met with whatever means are necessary to stop you. including deadly force. there is nothing wrong with an organized peaceful protest but when have we had any of those as of late? and how the hell are thee people living? someone is footing the bill behind all of these people who have months on end to act like savages and not work. I'd say people of all races should wake up and realize the so called "leaders" of these movements (ferguson, occupy, etc etc) only make money by keeping the pot stirred and the pressure on , and all of y'all simple minded sheep buy into it. if you want change un for office, vote, sign petitions, call/write your elected officials, start a support group, but for cripes sake stop hindering law abiding folks who haven't nary a thing to do with what you're angry about. most people are good and Ameirca aint all that bad so put on your big boy/girl undies and act like you got some common sense! .....................end of rant!"
I can tell when I "tweak" folks I had 3 likes and not a single comment! silly sheeple, stop bein chicken I don't bite! (unless we're dating! BWAHAHAHAHAHA)
I'm sorry but I'm OVER this silliness. no one alive today owes anyone anything for what happened hundreds or even thousands of years ago. take of the sad rags and put on the gladrags then take a deep breath and SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!

excuses we all use

AND WE ALL KNOW IT! WE ALSO AINT BIG BONED OR FLUFFY, AND (unless tested and diagnosed) YOUR THYROID AINT SLOW, THAT BABY WEIGHT FROM YOUR 5 YEAR OLD IS ALSO A CROCK!
we all have our reasons (EXCUSES WITH A BOW!) why we cant lose but 99.9% are simply bullshit. I know mine are , I don't have time to go to the gym is a lie I often tell myself. I'm busy and I'm exhausted sometimes but I know that I feel better when I workout. yet I just don't make the time, I also need to journal my food. and that's another HUGE lie we tell ourselves "I don't eat THAT much" well yeah you do! it's amazing how much "tasting" when cooking or jut having a "nibble" adds up. if you don't believe me look in the mirror or on the scales. I know perfectly well my silly self could do better and i'll tell y'all how lazy I've been this week. I have barely moved from my bed to the point I'm feelin stiff when I do. I was wiped out after the holidays and bein sick and work bein crazy but I deserve health and happiness yet I sabotage myself. I had pizza delivered TWICE this week (a large thin meats both times) and that's nuts I really enjoyed the 1st one because it had been a long while since I had any, I enjoyed 2 slices of the 2nd one and the rest I ate because it was so expensive I cant afford to pitch it. now both I ate over the course of 2 days and they were thin so the damage is minimal (I;m allowed all the toppings on atkins) but the point is I shouldn't have to play these acceptance mind games with myself. I'd have enjoyed a small frozen totinos almost as much if I doctored it for 1/8 of the cost and calories, yet I didn't because I was too tired to go to the store. I call BULLSHIT timothy. those old bad habits are creeping in and that's simply NOT acceptable.
I am NOT responsible for my 6 pound uptick that was the steroids but your fatt arse has been off the meds since Monday so get up and get movin, start food journaling (the only real way to keep track of what you shovel down you gullet) and make use of this time off to reset the metabolism that's wonky. I KNOW i'll feel better when I do and so once AGAIN it's back to induction but as far as bein tired I'm more tired of my bs than physically now so I gotta get it done ASAP!

DAMN SKIPPY!


 
SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH POSITIVITY!

nostalgia

feelin sappy and nostalgic in both bad/good ways............there are friends who passed I miss terribly and people dear to my heart who have just slipped away, then there are those who I cling to for some unfathomable reason who have NEVER deserved me and yet I long for that connection. now I don't know about all of y'alls belief system but I do believe in reincarnation so that explains it to me somewhat. it's the past relationship I still feel when they don't. mayhaps it ended tragically in that other life and I want closure, but alas my brain understands that but my heart doesn't wanna hear it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyTpu6BmE88
a great song that's what friends are for by Dionne Warwick

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe, I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came in loving me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way
I thank you

Oh and then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
The words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling and keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
'Cause I tell you, that's what friends are for
For good times and the bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

so I wanna thank all of y'all who have been there for me, looking forward to many more years of memories and good times!

habit, control, change

these are the 3 things needed for me to succeed in 2015. I don't consider 2014 a failure it was a learning curve, sadly the illness/meds weeks before my "deadline" thwarted me in a very frustrating manner but alas I shant dwell on it I shall use it to win the war despite the lost battle.



HABIT:

n. noun

1. A recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition.
   made a habit of going to bed early.
2. An established disposition of the mind or character.
   a pessimistic habit.
3. Customary manner or practice.
   an early riser by habit

CONTROL:

tr.v.

1. To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over; direct.
   The majority party controls the legislative agenda.
2. To adjust to a requirement; regulate.
   rules that control trading on the stock market; valves that control the flow of water.
3. To hold in restraint; check.
   struggled to control my temper.

n. noun

1. Authority or ability to manage or direct.
   lost control of the skidding car; the leaders in control of the country.
2. One that controls; a controlling agent, device, or organization.
3. An instrument

CHANGE:

v. verb

1. To cause to be different.
   change the spelling of a word.
2. To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform.
   changed the yard into a garden.
3. To give and receive reciprocally; interchange.
   change places.

n. noun

1. The act, process, or result of altering or modifying.
   a change in facial expression.
2. The replacing of one thing for another; substitution.
   a change of atmosphere; a change of ownership.
3. A transformation or transition from one state, condition, or phase to another.
   the change of seasons.

I KNOW I CAN DO ALL OF THESE! funnily enough I had no intention of blogging this week at all. I have been looking forward to the freedom to NOT blog after a year of struggling, grasping, and getting by just to put something, anything here so I could finally live up to a promise and ya know what I controlled myself and did that by forming a habit and that is a positive change. because surprisingly when I woke up this morning and rolled out of bed my first thought was I'm wanna do my blog. lololol that's a great insight because now I just have to apply the same control to eating (and journaling it) and exercise and these few pounds will melt away for good.

I feel more optimistic than I have in ages and finally feelin good physically too. so look out fat I'm coming for you!

SUCCESS!

SUCCESS kinda sorta lolol I completed my year of blogging every single day and it was difficult, tedious, rewarding, insightful, and yep even motivational at times! see long term goals are harder for me to complete , I do fine at the short term ones most of the time but my focus/motivation wanes after a long spell of sameness/tedium. so I'm VERY proud of me for bein able to complete such a monumental goal! YEAH me!
on the other hand my short term goal crashed and burned spectacularly, no onederland for me in 2014 gosh darn it. I'm up 6 friggin pounds and I know it's the steroids plus bein too sick to care for most of December but lets be honest it bites and I'm slightly bitter about it and way disappointed in myself. these kinda things are why bloggers come and go so often. there's a lot of shame with failure and many would rather retreat from the world than admit yet another epic failure. I'd like to think I'm made of sterner stuff and I aint goin anywhere!
that bein said I'm starting a vaca well lets be honest with all my medical bills and missed work it's turned into a staycation but I'm ok with that, alas I am NOT gonna spens lots of time online I'd rather see friends, catch up on some reading and go to a couple of films (into the woods, hobbit 3) o that's what I'm gonna do, so don't fret/fear I shall be back in a few days.
in the meantime all of y'all have yourselve a new year filled with love, light, and laughter!

(of course I was gonna get an epic Elvira meme in here for the holiday, don't I ALWAYS!) giggle!