my reality

still dazed and confused
what was it i saw in you
like light reflected through glass
i saw beauty kindness love
reality was ugliness vanity hate
fairydust in my eyes i guess
i saw perfection nothing less
blinders off dealing with my loss
heart shattered what a cost
you're still around still don't care
use me abuse me taunt and jeer
now the truth comes to light
you're a scared selfish boy not so bright
never saw all that was offered you
you'd rather be with a silly fool
do you really need to be the pretty one
the one with the brains the favorite son
maybe i was just that much of a threat to you
 am i too cute too nice too smart too well liked
i've got it all baby and you're just toast
dry crusty plain no flavor left
you stole my heart and that is theft
so now i take it back mine again
think next time my silly clueless stupid friend

still here

so much of my life consumed by you
its like coming out of a black hole
seeing life for the first time fresh new
what's going on where's everyone, what to do
fell out of the loop following you
now i'll have to find everyone anew
pick up the pieces of my shattered life
so much gone for so little gain
an eternity of loneliness and strife
no more lost time or wasted tears
done with all the taunts and jeers
friends all waiting with open arms
wide shoulders words of comfort
i felt so scared cold and alone
when they were here waiting all along

WHO?

time to get down off that lovers cross
build a fire with all that wasted wood
burn every trace of the fool ive been
everyones got a weakness i guess mines men
trying to become a saint or a martyr
seems to have been my lifes work
always rescuing strays...........i shoulda stuck to dogs
at least they love unconditionally true
seems ive been living a life tinged in blue
peering under every rock for heartache and pain
think i'll have that drama magnet up my ass surgically removed
cant be too soon or too fast
imagine my surprise when i realized i don't need you
i have a home, a good job, wonderful family and friends that love me,
               a future
you have a pretty face and youth
looks fade and so shall you sad sad truth
i'm fine strong happy and true
about time i said michael who?

shedding skins

heartache's been hangin like a weight around my neck
dragging me under pulling me down
i refuse to give up the fight
i'll triumph i'll be allright
not worth my time much less my pain
keep my wits about me this won't happen again
he's not worth my effort or my tears
i've wasted what seems like years
was i a toy or some silly pet
an actual man wasn't what he wanted to get
imature a child a spoiled selfish brat
unable to respond to me as an equal
over done finished there'll be no sequel
i'm moving on reclaimimg all that is mine
i'm lightening up timmy's gonna be fine
already lost 180 pounds of useless dead weight
what a relief it sure does feel great
so now here i am here on my own
he may still be around but i'm gone gone gone

the return

i guess the time is here
ghost given up towel thrown in
reality overrides my silly fantasies
the man did not and will not love me
i was only a conveience when he was in need
we'll never be together ever never
not in a million years
no white picket fences
it's time to stand for myself for my dignity
the doormat no more
i'll get the respect i deserve
it's a new world order
don't cross my boundaries
it's at my conveience if i so choose
he's an adult i'm not responsible for him
not for his health welfare sanity happiness or pain
timmy comes first always i gotta remember that
move on no more pining away
no more dreams or stardust it's a waste of time
the dawning of a brand new day
tim is back and i'm here to stay