heart thrown away

casual meetings random hearts
chances great and small
life is what you make it
i grabbed for the gold ring
ended up with brass knuckles
i've beaten myself senseless
blaming myself doubting myself
you can't fight feelings or a lack thereof
it's not my fault
i'm a wonderful beautiful person
i deserve to be happy and whole
i gave my heart to easily
unaware of what i offered or the cost
now i'm trapped my screams echoing
waiting for my day of independence
will it arrive shall i get away
today it's unimaginable later perhaps
after torrents of tears empty barren years
remember i love you and i'm sorry
sorry for clueless empty you and silly stupid me
sorry for the opportunities wasted and missed
i didn't want to regret chances not taken
now i regret taking chances
so i wait for what nothing or everything
stagnant stuck in this dead space
the land between heaven and hell tis the home where i dwell